By: John
I have no idea how it happened. How is it that a happily monogamous couple could end up in a strange love triangle? Navigating the world of gay love, gay sex is already difficult as it is, even in this modern world, much less polyamorous gay love. This kind of affair is not for the faint of heart but it is not a love that is difficult to understand. Here you are reading and thinking to yourself that Jada Pinkett Smith had an entanglement, wait until you hear about my polyamorous affair.
I guess you could say, I got distracted from the goal of keeping steadfast and faithful in my seven-plus committed years with Steven. Something that someone at the age of 37 would not expect at this age. At this age, you think you are on top of your game, even amidst a pandemic. You are thriving at relationship goals, personal goals and business achievements. Everything seems pretty much under control. But no one, absolutely no one prepares you for an Alejandro to step upon your life’s stage.
A tall, slender, slightly toned, brown-eyed 22-year kid, and yes a kid when you think about it, just 15 years my junior. All he had to do was say, “Hi,” back at me. I was casually browsing through my contacts on social media. Granted, I am a flirt, so of course, it wasn’t a simple hello from me. I saw this guy’s profile picture on full display with every curve to his toned body just sitting there. His profile picture sat there, waiting for a compliment. What took over me next, was simply that part of me, I had been afraid to admit to for a long time. Am I like my father? The gay version of
the womanizer that he still is today? “You’re too exposed, go cover-up,” I said to him. We exchanged a couple of laughs and the conversation quickly turned from a slight hint to a full-on, “BTW you’re fine asf!” I was already in deep and way over my head and thought, this was just a small little online flirt and nothing would come of it. I was dead wrong, this guy was just as brave as the fire sign in me. He did not hesitate to offer to hang out and see what would happen, “simply going with the flow,” he likes to say. I nervously accepted what happened next, even as I sit here and write this blog, I am still trying to process.
We had a date set out, at this point, this online flirting turned into an episode straight from the Queer as Folk or The L Word, this was becoming an affair. I had no idea why I was doing this, just that this strong physical attraction was there. I know, don’t judge, I have been with my partner for almost 8 years, I was weak. I guess it’s like what a friend told me once, “John, it seems that every 10 years your mentality changes what it wants or needs.” Of course, this was not the appropriate time to listen to this advice, but there I was listening to the comment play in the back of my mind, and I know most of us think of it, “when will I get another chance to relive my youth?” I was simply, as the youngsters would say, “going with the flow!” We met up on a day I had planned out, where I knew I was going to be alone and unbothered. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened next. This guy, as straight as they come, did I mention he was straight? Held me in ways, all too familiar. Familiar because, for a ‘straight,’ guy he knew exactly what to do. Of course, I knew what I was doing was totally unfaithful, a cheater, a sinner. But I already fell down the rabbit hole. The moment I stared at that profile picture and initiated a conversation, I fell into that hole.
Boy oh boy, was this a rabbit hole indeed. The guilt sunk in, the attraction grew stronger, his presence became more fixed. We started to hang out as friends, my partner met him as a friend, we all clicked and vibed. I kept thinking to myself, “What the fuck are you doing John?” We bonded over simple things, at this point, we only slept with each other once. We talked about so many things, school, life, his girls, weed, video games and even planned all-boys trips. The attraction was simply a plus to the friendship growing. I kept wondering, how awesome it would be to have my partner and still have someone else, without the need to hide. I still love my partner very much and I had already messed up. At this point what am I going to do?
It did not take long for this all-boys trip to come around, everything happened really fast. One minute, I was flirting with this cute University student, the next, he was that friend that always came around and like nothing, he was a part of the crew that hung out on road trips. It was a successful road trip, we learned so much about each other as friends. That night, back home, we were high, the kush was heavenly, and it took us to another place, sensually. My partner and I have always kept the flame in the bedroom alive, so we went at it, of course, the room door had to be open, while Alejandro slept on the living room couch. I think we both knew what we wanted to do, it was like an unspoken understanding. Steven leans into me from behind, and whispers in my ear, “invite him in!” I had to stop, I was not sure what I was hearing? I asked him to repeat, “Don’t you want to have both of us?” At this response, I was nervous to say yes. This was a can of worms, that once opened, I would have to move quickly to get them back in or deal with all the consequences that came with what was to happen next.
Both my partner and my affair took turns inside me, this was ecstasy that held us for a moment, then days then a couple more weeks. Then finally, the truth came railing towards us. I could not hold the secret any longer. I had woven a web that I could not cut by living a lie and ignoring it. I had to reveal to Steven the truth. After a couple of week’s in, I confronted him, told him my affair was much before what we had enjoyed after our previous road trip. This was the can of worms I was not prepared to handle. This train came hurtling towards us and it crashed into us with a force that we are still healing from. A pain I could not take back but simply wait for the healing to start, I quietly sat there observing my partner being patient, falling more in love with him, as he allowed all of us to remain friends and to become something more than friends.
For us, at this point, we are not a ‘throuple,’ we are not dating, we are simply a family as Alejandro put it. Our intentions to and with each other are clear. We know what we want from each other and we still manage to bond. Family, the most convenient phrase or word for someone struggling with their fluidity. Just like any quintessential gay couple that brings the U-Haul truck on the second date, we are now three sharing the same bed. Even as I type this blog, I am looking over at the bed, watching babe and baby, our nickname to Alejandro lying in bed, all I feel is love. I guess that's the thing with polyamory, your heart isn't divided, it simply grows and makes more room. We are still planning more trips, more futures together. Of course, it is never a smooth boat ride, we still have issues, healing is still taking place. But we are learning very quickly, that this motley family, that if we want this to last, we have to heal, communicate, be open, honest and have no secrets.
Boy oh boy, was this a rabbit hole indeed. The guilt sunk in, the attraction grew stronger, his presence became more fixed. We started to hang out as friends, my partner met him as a friend, we all clicked and vibed. I kept thinking to myself, “What the fuck are you doing John?” We bonded over simple things, at this point, we only slept with each other once. We talked about so many things, school, life, his girls, weed, video games and even planned all-boys trips. The attraction was simply a plus to the friendship growing. I kept wondering, how awesome it would be to have my partner and still have someone else, without the need to hide. I still love my partner very much and I had already messed up. At this point what am I going to do?
It did not take long for this all-boys trip to come around, everything happened really fast. One minute, I was flirting with this cute University student, the next, he was that friend that always came around and like nothing, he was a part of the crew that hung out on road trips. It was a successful road trip, we learned so much about each other as friends. That night, back home, we were high, the kush was heavenly, and it took us to another place, sensually. My partner and I have always kept the flame in the bedroom alive, so we went at it, of course, the room door had to be open, while Alejandro slept on the living room couch. I think we both knew what we wanted to do, it was like an unspoken understanding. Steven leans into me from behind, and whispers in my ear, “invite him in!” I had to stop, I was not sure what I was hearing? I asked him to repeat, “Don’t you want to have both of us?” At this response, I was nervous to say yes. This was a can of worms, that once opened, I would have to move quickly to get them back in or deal with all the consequences that came with what was to happen next.
Both my partner and my affair took turns inside me, this was ecstasy that held us for a moment, then days then a couple more weeks. Then finally, the truth came railing towards us. I could not hold the secret any longer. I had woven a web that I could not cut by living a lie and ignoring it. I had to reveal to Steven the truth. After a couple of week’s in, I confronted him, told him my affair was much before what we had enjoyed after our previous road trip. This was the can of worms I was not prepared to handle. This train came hurtling towards us and it crashed into us with a force that we are still healing from. A pain I could not take back but simply wait for the healing to start, I quietly sat there observing my partner being patient, falling more in love with him, as he allowed all of us to remain friends and to become something more than friends.
For us, at this point, we are not a ‘throuple,’ we are not dating, we are simply a family as Alejandro put it. Our intentions to and with each other are clear. We know what we want from each other and we still manage to bond. Family, the most convenient phrase or word for someone struggling with their fluidity. Just like any quintessential gay couple that brings the U-Haul truck on the second date, we are now three sharing the same bed. Even as I type this blog, I am looking over at the bed, watching babe and baby, our nickname to Alejandro lying in bed, all I feel is love. I guess that's the thing with polyamory, your heart isn't divided, it simply grows and makes more room. We are still planning more trips, more futures together. Of course, it is never a smooth boat ride, we still have issues, healing is still taking place. But we are learning very quickly, that this motley family, that if we want this to last, we have to heal, communicate, be open, honest and have no secrets.
It did not take long for this all-boys trip to come around, everything happened really fast. One minute, I was flirting with this cute University student, the next, he was that friend that always came around and like nothing, he was a part of the crew that hung out on road trips. It was a successful road trip, we learned so much about each other as friends. That night, back home, we were high, the kush was heavenly, and it took us to another place, sensually. My partner and I have always kept the flame in the bedroom alive, so we went at it, of course, the room door had to be open, while Alejandro slept on the living room couch. I think we both knew what we wanted to do, it was like an unspoken understanding. Steven leans into me from behind, and whispers in my ear, “invite him in!” I had to stop, I was not sure what I was hearing? I asked him to repeat, “Don’t you want to have both of us?” At this response, I was nervous to say yes. This was a can of worms, that once opened, I would have to move quickly to get them back in or deal with all the consequences that came with what was to happen next.
Both my partner and my affair took turns inside me, this was ecstasy that held us for a moment, then days then a couple more weeks. Then finally, the truth came railing towards us. I could not hold the secret any longer. I had woven a web that I could not cut by living a lie and ignoring it. I had to reveal to Steven the truth. After a couple of week’s in, I confronted him, told him my affair was much before what we had enjoyed after our previous road trip. This was the can of worms I was not prepared to handle. This train came hurtling towards us and it crashed into us with a force that we are still healing from. A pain I could not take back but simply wait for the healing to start, I quietly sat there observing my partner being patient, falling more in love with him, as he allowed all of us to remain friends and to become something more than friends.
For us, at this point, we are not a ‘throuple,’ we are not dating, we are simply a family as Alejandro put it. Our intentions to and with each other are clear. We know what we want from each other and we still manage to bond. Family, the most convenient phrase or word for someone struggling with their fluidity. Just like any quintessential gay couple that brings the U-Haul truck on the second date, we are now three sharing the same bed. Even as I type this blog, I am looking over at the bed, watching babe and baby, our nickname to Alejandro lying in bed, all I feel is love. I guess that's the thing with polyamory, your heart isn't divided, it simply grows and makes more room. We are still planning more trips, more futures together. Of course, it is never a smooth boat ride, we still have issues, healing is still taking place. But we are learning very quickly, that this motley family, that if we want this to last, we have to heal, communicate, be open, honest and have no secrets.
Boy oh boy, was this a rabbit hole indeed. The guilt sunk in, the attraction grew stronger, his presence became more fixed. We started to hang out as friends, my partner met him as a friend, we all clicked and vibed. I kept thinking to myself, “What the fuck are you doing John?” We bonded over simple things, at this point, we only slept with each other once. We talked about so many things, school, life, his girls, weed, video games and even planned all-boys trips. The attraction was simply a plus to the friendship growing. I kept wondering, how awesome it would be to have my partner and still have someone else, without the need to hide. I still love my partner very much and I had already messed up. At this point what am I going to do?
It did not take long for this all-boys trip to come around, everything happened really fast. One minute, I was flirting with this cute University student, the next, he was that friend that always came around and like nothing, he was a part of the crew that hung out on road trips. It was a successful road trip, we learned so much about each other as friends. That night, back home, we were high, the kush was heavenly, and it took us to another place, sensually. My partner and I have always kept the flame in the bedroom alive, so we went at it, of course, the room door had to be open, while Alejandro slept on the living room couch. I think we both knew what we wanted to do, it was like an unspoken understanding. Steven leans into me from behind, and whispers in my ear, “invite him in!” I had to stop, I was not sure what I was hearing? I asked him to repeat, “Don’t you want to have both of us?” At this response, I was nervous to say yes. This was a can of worms, that once opened, I would have to move quickly to get them back in or deal with all the consequences that came with what was to happen next.
Both my partner and my affair took turns inside me, this was ecstasy that held us for a moment, then days then a couple more weeks. Then finally, the truth came railing towards us. I could not hold the secret any longer. I had woven a web that I could not cut by living a lie and ignoring it. I had to reveal to Steven the truth. After a couple of week’s in, I confronted him, told him my affair was much before what we had enjoyed after our previous road trip. This was the can of worms I was not prepared to handle. This train came hurtling towards us and it crashed into us with a force that we are still healing from. A pain I could not take back but simply wait for the healing to start, I quietly sat there observing my partner being patient, falling more in love with him, as he allowed all of us to remain friends and to become something more than friends.
For us, at this point, we are not a ‘throuple,’ we are not dating, we are simply a family as Alejandro put it. Our intentions to and with each other are clear. We know what we want from each other and we still manage to bond. Family, the most convenient phrase or word for someone struggling with their fluidity. Just like any quintessential gay couple that brings the U-Haul truck on the second date, we are now three sharing the same bed. Even as I type this blog, I am looking over at the bed, watching babe and baby, our nickname to Alejandro lying in bed, all I feel is love. I guess that's the thing with polyamory, your heart isn't divided, it simply grows and makes more room. We are still planning more trips, more futures together. Of course, it is never a smooth boat ride, we still have issues, healing is still taking place. But we are learning very quickly, that this motley family, that if we want this to last, we have to heal, communicate, be open, honest and have no secrets.