By Mark
My first partner was mentally, physically and sexually abusive. I knew before we decided to live together about a family history of abuse. Once before we moved in together, he threatened to kill us both in the car. I thought his behaviour would change once he moved away from his family, and for a very short time it did. His angry outbursts over the smallest things continued and there was always an apology but no behavioural change. If I tried to address any concerns, he would throw things at me in rage. It was always my fault. The manipulation, questioning my loyalty and controlling my movements escalated. It was like walking on eggshells but I loved him. I couldn’t tell my family because I hadn’t spoken to most of them since I came out as a teenager. My parents wanted nothing to do with their gay son. I was 30 years old with no close friends and no one to turn to.
So I endured. He controlled my finances, who I could see, where I could go. If he wanted to have sex when he came home from a nigh out, I just had to give in. I couldn't say no. I put up with it all. I could only leave the house with him and hang out with his friends. I had no friends of my own.
A co-worker at the time had reached out to me on several occasions but I refused her help at first. It was until the day I was raped and beaten so badly I lost partial hearing in one ear that I finally decided to take steps to leave. She encouraged me to understand that I should no longer accept physical abuse, manipulation and intimidation. She took me into her home until I could get myself back n my feet.
I started to feel like me again.
I started to going to the gym, I joined a volunteer group and took up other hobbies. I was performing better at work and I was in charge of my life. It took me many false starts, but eventually I stepped out of that relationship and found myself again. I felt happier and freer.
The decision was hard but taking a positive step to free yourself is certainly worth it. You will need time to heal the hurt, but over time you will feel like yourself again.
So I endured. He controlled my finances, who I could see, where I could go. If he wanted to have sex when he came home from a nigh out, I just had to give in. I couldn't say no. I put up with it all. I could only leave the house with him and hang out with his friends. I had no friends of my own.
A co-worker at the time had reached out to me on several occasions but I refused her help at first. It was until the day I was raped and beaten so badly I lost partial hearing in one ear that I finally decided to take steps to leave. She encouraged me to understand that I should no longer accept physical abuse, manipulation and intimidation. She took me into her home until I could get myself back n my feet.
I started to feel like me again.
I started to going to the gym, I joined a volunteer group and took up other hobbies. I was performing better at work and I was in charge of my life. It took me many false starts, but eventually I stepped out of that relationship and found myself again. I felt happier and freer.
The decision was hard but taking a positive step to free yourself is certainly worth it. You will need time to heal the hurt, but over time you will feel like yourself again.